Saturday, August 29, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Okay, here I am, Monday evening, tired and empty.Yesterday was bike ride day, the big day.We did a 117 km (72.7 miles) ride and it was pretty warm and pretty new and for us pretty big.
For Mira and me it was the first time to be part of such a ride, normally we ride around the area where we live and we follow our front wheel and see where we end up. This ride was all planned and arranged, and there were other people on bikes.
When I was a kid and I had my birthday party coming up, I would work myself up all week, getting excited, being busy with it in my head, to only end up cranky as shit on my birthday, tired and not really able to have fun. All these years later not much has changed, apart from my awareness around this. I believe it was on Wednesday that I realized that I wasn't really looking forward to biking with other people, on Thursday I started worrying about the route that was new, on Friday I decided to put new pedals with a new click system on my bike and on Saturday I kinda lost my ability to function within regular society. I have been told once that cyclists are the most obsessive among sporters, I fit in, I truly fit in. I am anal, obsessive, controlling and rigid. So Sunday morning I was so nervous that it was really hard toeat, not handy two hours before a long ride.
At the end of the ride our route and the longer one came together and we joined a bunch of guys. We all finished our ride and that gives something really nice, a feeling of being connected. It doesn't matter all that much how fast one went or how far one went, we are all there at the end and finished, our bodies tired, our asses sore, our spirit high and bright. It is the feeling of finishing, the experience of accomplishment that is really special. I don't think one needs to bike for that, it can be done by finishing a course, driving for your licence, painting the house etc. etc., simply setting a goal and making it.
It was a long and heavy day for me, needless to say that I was tired when I came home and slept like a baby. Today I was still tired and I felt a bit empty. When we were at the station yesterday to go back to Amsterdam we saw some bikers doing stunts, we also met a guy who had just finished a 24 hr mountain bike ride. We were on a natural high and zoning the crap out of our heads, not all there. At home under the shower I cried, had to let some emotions out.
Today all of that was gone, yet I was too tired to pick up my normal Monday. At a certain point I started to feel really empty and a bit negative, so I called someone and told that person about my day yesterday. He is a runner, he knows this. While I told him about my day, about the bikers we met, about almost giving up and more, I started to feel happy and full and grateful for my day yesterday.
It is all just perspective, everything is. A day can be like clay in my hands I can make or break it. I can withdraw, like I did as a kid, or I can participate, like I did Sunday. I can sit in it alone or I can share it. I can enjoy being tired or take it as a problem and be frustrated with myself all day. I can be sad and empty because yesterday is over or I can be celebrating because I could have yesterday and hold the memory today.
It is the good old glass thing, is it half full or half empty, if it is half empty it might be because I enjoyed some good milk and bless me I still have half a glass left.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Yesterday I was on the phone with my mom, she and my dad and the two dogs live in the South of France. She told me about groups of bikers who never stop, even when it is her right to drive first on a crossing. She thinks that is dangerous. Maybe she tried to warn me to be careful around cars. She is right, sometimes cars can be very dangerous. I told my mom that if she sees a group of bikers, to just stop, even when she has the right to go first. I explained to her that these bikers go with an enormous speed and that they are a group and that their feet are attached to the pedals and making them stop is more dangerous than to just let them go. CLICK HERE
Monday, August 17, 2009
What I like most in the biking that I do these days is not the ride, not roads, not the sun on my skin. I just love and I dare to say that in capital, I just L O V E my head.